that every time you stand in a high place
on top of a building
at the edge of a cliff
or at the railing of a bridge
and look down
there is some small part of you that wants to jump
that wanting is jumper’s urge
every day
for the past year
I have been with you
I have had that urge
I look over the edge
so many stories high up in the air
and I don’t see the ground below
I don’t see a narrow sidewalk
rows of parked cars
or jagged rocks and breaking waves
I don’t see muddy river water
winding around the pilings of a bridge
I look over the edge
and I see us
I see us with our arms around each other
we are looking off into the distance
my fingers are intertwined in your hair
your forehead is pressed against my cheek
but I can’t see what is welling up
inside our eyes
I can’t feel your hair in my hand
I can’t see which one of your thousands of smiles
Is spreading across your face
And I can’t see exactly what it is
we are looking at
what it is out in the distance
in front of us
today
I step off the edge
and I am falling
and it is only now
as I am tumbling through the air toward us
feeling the force of the wind against my face
my eyes watering
my chest too tight to breathe
it is only now
that I feel your fingers slip in between mine
it is only now
that I feel your heartbeat
in the palm of my hand
