on the pathology of emotive amnesia

ever since i was old enough
to start remembering

my mind would often find itself

skittering along the surface

moving too fast and shallow

to place the exact reason or thing

that left me with the feeling

that i knew that i had

i would retrace my short-term history

scrounging for the reason for my mood

until i found some small or big something

a new micronaut toy

my aunt polly bought for me

when we visited her in chicago

with green metallic wheels

where a person would have had legs

the slow fungal death

of my siamese fighting fish aurora

in his tiny round bowl on the breezeway shelves

ed tuxbury telling me to give him five

and when i gave it

and held out my hand for five in return

him spitting into my palm

a kevin schwantz replica #2

arai motorcycle helmet

in red black and white

with a dark smoke shield

finding cindy werner

kissing mark warford

when she should have been kissing me

a photograph i had taken

of my best friend

framed in a doorway

against the sky

the light curving perfectly around his calf

once i could re-triangulate my position

and be certain mind and mood

had synchronized their watches once more

i could settle back

and let it wash over me again

but then i saw you last night

trying on the spherical pendant necklace

with 3.2 carats of natural world diamonds

in canary, ice blue, aquamarine, and white

encrusting its latticed surface

and i knew i would never forget

those exact coordinates

now

when i misplace the memory

of what it was i was looking forward to

or away from

i will always find myself again

in the center of that small jeweled world

resting in the curved hollow of your bosphorus

watching the sunlight sparkle in

shifting from one shade of the ocean

into another

nineteen ten

(a work in progress…)

we know only a little spanish

so we speak like little children

so we think like little children

this is good

this is not good

we speak of no shades of grey

having only black and white

and our minds relax completely

into vacation

as we graduate to

this is excellent

my name changes to  juan carlos

and melissa's e turns into a long a

we learn slang from a taxi driver

how to say

this is wicked

we learn the words for open

and for closed

from the l.e.d screen

on the safe in our room

by reading the yellow and black signs

we learn what is dangerous

new words enter us

and new words leave us

like the name of the not so ugly

fat-bottomed rats we saw

carrying bright chunks of papaya

back into the forest

we add an afternoon

between our good morning

and good night

we drink micheladas with the locals

and ask how do you say this

pointing at this

how do you say that

pointing at that

and we learn to drop our s’s

so our good nights

sound less like they are coming 

from the pages of a textbook

and at the end

we check out of our hotel room

returning to our infinite shades of grey

and both of us can  pronounce our room number

perfectly.

deiceneuve diez

(un trabajo en progreso…)
  

sólo sabemos un pocito de español
así hablamos como niños pequeños
por lo que pensamos como niños pequeños
esto es bueno
esto no es bueno
hablamos de ningún tonos de gris
teniendo solamente en blanco y negro
y nuestra mente relajarse por completo
en vacaciones
como pasar a la
esto es excelente

mi nombre cambia a juan carlos
y e melissa se convierte en una larga a

nos enteramos de la jerga de un taxista
cómo decir
este es perveso

que aprender las palabras para abierto
y para cerrado
desde la pantalla l.e.d
en la caja fuerte en la sala de
mediante la lectura de las señales de color amarillo y negro
nos enteramos de lo que es peligroso

nuevas palabras a entrar
y nuevas palabras nos dejan
como el nombre de los no tan feo
grasa de fondo ratas vimos
llevar trocitos de papaya
de nuevo en el bosque

añadimos una tarde
entre nuestros buenos días
y buenas noches

bebemos micheladas con los locales

y preguntar ¿cómo se dice esto
señalando en este
¿cómo se dice que
señalando que

y aprender a bajar la s de
por lo que nuestra buena noche
sonar menos como lo vienen
de las páginas de un libro de texto

y al final
que visita de nuestra habitación de hotel
Volviendo a nuestro infinitos matices de gris
y los dos de nosotros puede pronunciar nuestro número de habitación
perfectamente.

for the woman in the short black skirt

   

dancing alone in the carpeted space

behind the last row of folding chairs

at the michael jackson dance revue

at the playa del carmen resort

who had enough tequila last night to forget

that she had no real idea of how to dance

her legs spread apart on the floor

stalking from side to side in wobbled jerky steps

waving her arms and body around

even when the music stopped between numbers

and the performers changed their costumes backstage

shedding their thriller zombie rags

for something more formal

she kept gyrating in the silence

but had enough focus to see

that people were watching her

and enough sense to tell

that people were judging her

she turned to a group of us

and slurred loudly

as she continued to move to the rhythm

she had found in the distilled nectar of the agave plant

drawing out all of her syllables

telling us that we should all be dancing

that dancing was a beautiful thing

and it felt wonderful

and continued with a few other unintelligible things

as everybody moved back away from her

just a little bit further

towards the back wall

the mexican dancer playing michael jackson

stepped back onto the stage

a fedora placed low on his head

and microphone curved

from his right ear to his mouth

she turned back toward the stage

and the next song began

and she continued to move without grace

dancing to a beat that nobody else could hear

her movements were awkward and random

in all the standard ways

that american too drunk on tequila girls move

it had nothing to do with the music

it had nothing to do with michael jackson

it didn’t flow

it wasn’t gainly

it wasn’t smooth

but as the performer on stage

struck that iconic michael jackson pose

his head angled down

so we could only see his mouth
with one hand on his crotch

his other hand in its white jewel encrusted glove

stuck down and out to his side

i glanced back to the woman in front of us

and it wasn’t pretty

but i knew that she was right

it was beautiful.

anisoptera

   

- for rollin everett
(i can't think of dragonflies without remembering you)

i used to think of writing

as chasing after something fleeting

like a rare dragonfly i needed

to capture in my neural net

put pins thru its wings

and frame it under archival glass

but after all these years

it has become something more serene

more patient and abundant

they surround me constantly

and all I need to do is hold out my hand

and one will light on my fingers

see how it waits so quietly there

not even twitching its transparent wings

while i describe it to you.

          Photo used under Creative Commons from Joi

a la izquierda

    

sitting on the end of the pier with you

on the western coast of cozumel

our legs dangled over the edge

a half drunk black russian by my right side

and a watery mai tai by your left

we watched the fish glitter by beneath us

and talked about our past loves

mismatches missteps and grace

the one who ran away from you

into the woods of abilene kansas

knowing you would run after him

and catch him

and then he would propose

the one with a kitten-shaped hole

in her heart

who told me i was careless with mine

and was right

and others who were right

about other things

and wrong about still others

and though there were so many

stars in the sky that night

and so many fish in the sea

my attention kept coming back

to our shadows

and how they were cast onto the water

by two lights above and behind us

in the corners of the thatched roof

one showed our shadows off to the right

outlining the shapes of our bodies

with a slight gap between them

in darker shades of grey on the blue

the other bulb sent another shadow off to our left

and that light was stronger

and because of its angle

and because of its brightness

and because of exactly where we were sitting together

the shadow it cast was much clearer

the contrast at our edges was much higher

and it cast our bodies as one single shape

sliding gently over the waves

and out into the ocean.